I’m having a hard time with what I feel are H’s “demands,” what’s ok and not ok for me to do in order for her to still love me and not go sleep with someone else. One of them was that I was on the computer sometimes when she came home and didn’t get off to talk to her. But then H came home and right away got on the ‘puter. I said, “ok, if you can, so can I, we gotta be equitable.” She got off but acted crabby and said it was ok for her to get on because I was cooking. It was ok because I was busy. She sounded very defensive although all she’s doing is telling me why it was ok. She’s now “clarifyng,” it wasn’t a problem if I’m on the ‘puter for hours when she’s home even though there was a time that it was. who changes the rules? who even MAKES the fucking rules?!

I’m bristling with pain and trying to subdue my rage, but not doing very well. I feel like I’m the only one who has to change to keep H as my partner. I have to fuck her more, I can’t be on the tv or the puter when she is home. She can’t/won’t see that maybe I’m the one who will leaver HER sorry ass if she keeps on being a little shit and doesn’t even try to work things out.