May 2005

Ruthi, H’s mom, has always talked to H as if she were a same age friend, rather than her child. I wonder if that added additional stress, which she felt needed to be released by cutting herself when H was a teenager.

H said she talked with J a week or 2 ago. – platonic – just like “checking in.” First talk with her in 3 weeks. H didn’t want to “open herself up to convos she didn’t want to have.” H says she emailed me, but I don’t remember seeing it.

Told H today that she was the most beautiful I’ve ever seen her except for our wedding day. She had also just showered, and she was glowing and yummy. When I looked at her I began to cry this child-like wail (which I could never actually use when I was a child or I would have been severely beaten). I told H that I was afraid she was going to break my heart. I was right.